Spring seems to be making an early arrival this year with the daffodils in my front lawn glowing yellow against the grass this morning. We have had some really mild, sunny days for July, warm sun on my face but still a nip in the air. It is still possible to have a snowfall so complacency must be guarded against, the winter woollies staying close at hand for a while yet.
Lots of changes here at the moment. We have finally had the repairs and painting done post 2010/2011 Earthquakes here in Christchurch, which means the house is now full of boxes waiting to be unpacked and things put back in their places. There are a few painting jobs that we are doing while the rooms are empty-ish too, window sills, skirting boards, even some fresh paint in one of the bedrooms.
Everything feels a little strange and unfamiliar, a sort of pause before something new happens. A clearing away of old things, reconfiguration of spaces, a fresh perspective as cobwebs are cleared away and corners that have been covered up for a long time are
exposed and cleaned out. There is sadness for the passing of the old and a hopefulness as I turn towards the new.
This next phase is a real opportunity to think about the experiences I can mindfully create. It is really the first time I have had the knowledge that I can create my own life experience. My life started following my father’s postings around the world, and I grew up seeing that the wife’s job was to support the husband and maintain comfort and order in the home for him. You never question how your own family is, as a child you assume that it is the same for everyone, some sort of imperial ‘truth’ with other people’s variations and levels of success at doing a good job.
So I guess that is how I have modeled my own experiences. Husband first, children next, the larger family, whatever social/spiritual groups that you belong too also having their say about how things should be done, and full time work…. With my particular personality and character it has been so easy to disappear amongst all that.
My expression of love for those that make up my life has been to put their needs first, and I have loved being able to do that. Watching everyone come into their own lives and finding their own paths has been a wonderful journey, and continues to be so. I love that they are free to be exactly who they are, knowing that they are loved and that they can talk about anything without fear of being found wanting by me.
Now I think it is time for my own journey to take a more forward place. Time for filling the next decade with great experiences. Looking for somewhere to live with the things that delight me, where I don’t need to squeeze things into the spaces around other people’s lives, means I can take time to work out what is important to me. It is a novel experience, and I am looking forward to some surprises!
There may be a few surprises for those around me too.
I wonder how others approach their lives as they go through different stages. What inspires them and colours their choices.